Being a writer is a strange experience. On one hand, it’s a lonely profession: it is you, your computer or notebook, and your imagination. On the other, it is one of the most public-facing jobs you can have. If you publish your work – from a snippet on Instagram to publishing a novel – you are instantly baring a small part of your soul to the world. And for anyone, I think, that’s a terrifying prospect.
When I asked people to share their writing woes on Instagram last week, the comments quickly filled up with writers worried about their skillset, wondering if they’ll ever be good enough, anxious that their ideas are unique enough… the list was endless, but uniting it all was a lack of self-confidence.
Self-confidence is a tricky beast. Too little, and you will forever sell yourself short. Too much, and you just come across as an absolute tool. I’ve wanted to write a blog post about the subject for a while now, but ironically, wondered whether I could. After all, self-confidence isn’t my jam.
I’ve decided to go for it though. Not because I’ve suddenly developed confidence, and not because I have any of the answers. As my long suffering partner will happily tell you, there isn’t a day that goes by when I don’t doubt my ability or my choices. So, I wanted to write a blog post to unpack these issues, and find some solutions for us all.
How a lack of confidence manifests
Confidence, or a lack of it, can seep into every area of your life. I want to focus specifically on writing. How can it affect your work, your progress, what you do with something when it’s finished? These are summation of the thoughts described by Instagram writers :
- I just don’t believe I can finish this
- I can’t muster the motivation to get up and write, even though I really want to
- I don’t have the skills to be a good writer
- I keep wondering whether my book has too much/little action/romance/adventure/unique characters etc.
- Who I am to say these things – whether that’s critiquing others, or my writing itself
- I feel like I’m impostor when I describe myself as a writer or an author
- I look at other people’s work and know I can never get to that level
- I’ll never attract readers and be as popular as X author
- What if people don’t like my work, my voice or my style?
Sound familiar? They certainly do for me. I have thought all of these at least once just this week. And from the whirlwind of comments on the post, we’re definitely not alone in thinking these things about ourselves and the work we produce.
Looking at this list in stark black and white, I can see the underlying theme here: fear. Fear of not finishing. Fear of not being good enough in the eyes of the public. Fear of being laughed at or shot down. Fear of not being taken seriously.
As soon as I realised this, it raised my spirits a bit. Confidence, I know little about. But fear? Fear makes me angry. Fear is a challenge. And I relish a challenge.
What confidence looks like
I’ve already touched on the element of being ‘too’ self-confident. Becoming so confident – or at least feigning it – that you don’t listen to feedback, don’t believe you need to improve, possibly think that anyone who thinks differently to you is wrong. Pure arrogance, in other words. For the purposes of this post, when I talk about self-confidence, I simply mean that we’re not putting ourselves down. It’s confidence with a healthy dose of awareness.
Over the past few months, I’ve been working on my self-belief and confidence. It’s kind of necessary when you’re querying (shudder). One practice I’ve taken on is imagining what I’d be like if I were confident. Here’s how confident writer looks to me:
- Owning the title of ‘writer’ or ‘author’ and not being embarrassed about it
- Comfortable talking about their work without cringing (internally or externally)
- Recognising what scares them, and facing it down
- Knowing their limits, and working consistently to expand these
- Learning from others, and treating constructive criticism as a way to improve, not a slight on their ability
- Challenging themselves in a positive way, but scared of failing on the first go
- Being kind to themselves
Tips on becoming more confident
This is definitely not an overnight fix. In fact, many bestselling authors post and talk about how they battle with self-confidence and impostor syndrome, so I’d argue that’s it’s probably a life long battle no matter how successful you become.
And really, is this a bad thing? Self doubt, a lack of self esteem, confidence… however it manifests is a barrier to us producing our best work and putting it out for the world to read. A barrier is a challenge. And challenges are there to push us.
If I had complete and utter confidence in my work, would I seek out other writers to work with? Would I push myself to keep learning? Probably not. And for this reason, I think a little speck of doubt and fear is healthy for us. We just can’t let that speck grow until it overwhelms us completely.
Some things I’ve found helpful:
- You are a writer if you write. End of matter. Own that title and don’t let anyone say otherwise. Remember it (paint it on your walls, get it tattooed to your hand, whatever works…).
- Become a better writer. Sounds harsh, but well, if you don’t think you’ve got the skills to do something you really want to do, learn them. Get books from the library, listen to podcasts, absorb all the advice – much of it free and high quality on blogs and YouTube – that you can find. Turn that weakness into a strength.
- Get used to sharing your words. I’d recommend doing this as early as you can. I post snippets of my first drafts online. It’s terrifying because, well, they’re from first drafts and total shite, but it also has helped me become very comfortable with the public reading my work. You become less emotionally attached to those words, and it prepares you for the critiques, beta reads, editor feedback and reviews that will come as your career progresses. In short: it thickens your skin.
- Learn from failure. Everyone fails. All the time. Failure is one of the most predictable things in life. So (unless it’s like brain surgery or something), don’t fear it. I’m getting rejections from Winter’s Fire at the moment and, yes, it hurts. But I’ve tried. And whether it gets picked up or not, I’m so proud of what I’ve achieved. I’ve also learnt a huge amount from the process – what will speed my next project up, how to go about agent research, how to refine a cover letter. From failure you will always have learnings, and if you take those learnings to heart, your next attempt will always be better.
- Drop perfectionism. This one is aimed squarely at myself. Perfectionism kills projects before they’ve had a real chance to grow. Your first will be crap. Your second draft will probably still be crap. Your third draft, maybe a little less crap… you get the idea. There is no way any writer, no matter their experience or talent, can write a perfect story without a lot of drafts, mistakes, revisions and editing. So drop perfectionism, be kind to yourself and let your creativity shine.
- Write something you enjoy. This is something that has really helped me get over the previous point. Moving from a project I was polishing (Winter’s Fire) to a project in its first draft (Project Merla), wasn’t easy. That shift from highly analytic editing mode, to super creative first draft mode was really difficult. So I just wrote something for myself. Something I knew wouldn’t be shared publicly, that no one would need know exist but me. It really helped. My motivation and belief returned, and so did that shift away from perfection.
- Find your people. Find your community of writers, like minded people who share the same goals as you do, who want to share experiences and help one another. There is nothing like waking up to an email from a writer friend gushing about the last chapter you sent over, with a few ways to improve it in the next draft. I lie. Because on the same level, there’s nothing like reading something your friend has written and helping them to overcome their doubts and make their book the best it could be.
A final thought. And perhaps the most important one. You are not alone.
With help from writing friends, and finding ways to challenge your fear, you can become a more confident writer, become happier with sharing your work, and push yourself to learn and improve.
How do you overcome a lack of confidence? Pop your thoughts in comments below!